I'm so behind on this blog. I'm ashamed.
Let's nut-shell the things that have happened since I've started this pursuit of the ultimate life.
I quit smoking.
I found Jesus.
I bought a motorcycle.
I started smoking again.
I shaved my head.
I committed to following Jesus daily.
I quit smoking again, but this time I'm doing it because Jesus asked me too.
God spoke to me today, and I need to write it down before I forget.
I've had a rough day, and I'm stressed out, and I'm really craving one right now.
The most important part of following Jesus is picking up our cross daily.
Surrender your will for his will, die to your own desires.
Now I want to quit smoking. I want this pain to go away. I want these cravings to subside.
I cried out to the Lord. "Please God, help me quit, I want to quit, Please Lord!"
Then God spoke, "What if I asked you to smoke?"
"What?" I thought, "Are you serious?"
"Yes, what if I told you to go buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them. Would you do it?"
"Lord, why? After everything we've been through, how far we've come? Why would you tell me to go back?"
God said, "It's not about the cigarettes. It's about you surrendering your will to me. Leaning not on your own understanding but on ME! Will you follow me? Will you die to yourself and trust in me?"
I stopped, I thought. Quitting smoking may be good for me, but it's still something that I'm trying to do myself. Jesus beat sin, his resurrection proved that. We are no longer slaves to sin, God himself payed the price for our souls so that we could truly be with him and he could truly be in us. I need to cry out to the Lord, not in agony but in gratitude. For he has allowed something to push me in such a way that I can learn from it and draw closer to him. Ultimately, that is what I want, to be right by God, to be in his love, to have the superlative life. So I surrender.
"Yes Lord, your will be done."
I went to grab my keys and my wallet, the gas station requires ID.
"NO! STOP! It was a lesson! AGAIN, it's not about the cigarettes. It's about surrendering your heart to me. I am ALL that you need. I have your heart, I will not let you go, no matter what happens, you are mine. Now, go read Hebrews and I'll give you peace."
Praise the Lord.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Woman of My Dreams.
Last night, I had a dream that I fell in love with a girl that I've never met while passing each other in a public building. It was strangly vivid, and I expereienced every range of emotion as I tracked her down and asked her out. I can still see her face, I can still remember the conversation.
Sandy hair, glasses, nerdy and awkward, but in a way that was irresistibly endearing.
I first saw her at night. She was part of some technology or science club meeting, I don't know what I was doing there. Maybe it was a food court at the mall? I only saw her for a second, but my heart was in my throat ever since.
The second time i saw her (same dream), I was guiding a customer or friend or something down a hall when I saw her. What ever I was doing/saying evaporated and I made up my mind to ask this girl out. It seems that this girl had already made up her mind as she saw me approching, when she grinned.
I started to talk,
"Hi, I was wondering if... would like to know if...", the words come out jumbled.
"Sorry, I'm taken," she interrupts, it takes me a moment to process. I didn't expect
"by art!" she interrupts, (or writing or some other semi girly hobby)
I forget exactly what she said, but whatever it was, it wasn't as important as the way she said it.
Oh, she's trying to be coy, I think to myself.
OH, that means she's nervious too. AHHHH she wants this to happen as I do. I'm in!
Now all I have to do is ask. I think as she grins at me expectantly.
In the hallway of a public building I ask out a total stranger, a girl of my dreams,
who I wlll probably never meet. Because now I'm awake. It's strange, I rarely dream, and when I do it's just vapid clouds of emotion, no real content. No background, no detail. Just puffs of smoke that seem like a plot. Not this time. This dream, seemed real. That has only ever happened to me a couple times before. Why? What does it mean? Will I ever see her again?
Good bye, nerdy, sandy haired bespeckeled woman. Shall I pick you up around 10? That's about when I get off. That's when I go to sleep again.
Sandy hair, glasses, nerdy and awkward, but in a way that was irresistibly endearing.
I first saw her at night. She was part of some technology or science club meeting, I don't know what I was doing there. Maybe it was a food court at the mall? I only saw her for a second, but my heart was in my throat ever since.
The second time i saw her (same dream), I was guiding a customer or friend or something down a hall when I saw her. What ever I was doing/saying evaporated and I made up my mind to ask this girl out. It seems that this girl had already made up her mind as she saw me approching, when she grinned.
I started to talk,
"Hi, I was wondering if... would like to know if...", the words come out jumbled.
"Sorry, I'm taken," she interrupts, it takes me a moment to process. I didn't expect
"by art!" she interrupts, (or writing or some other semi girly hobby)
I forget exactly what she said, but whatever it was, it wasn't as important as the way she said it.
Oh, she's trying to be coy, I think to myself.
OH, that means she's nervious too. AHHHH she wants this to happen as I do. I'm in!
Now all I have to do is ask. I think as she grins at me expectantly.
In the hallway of a public building I ask out a total stranger, a girl of my dreams,
who I wlll probably never meet. Because now I'm awake. It's strange, I rarely dream, and when I do it's just vapid clouds of emotion, no real content. No background, no detail. Just puffs of smoke that seem like a plot. Not this time. This dream, seemed real. That has only ever happened to me a couple times before. Why? What does it mean? Will I ever see her again?
Good bye, nerdy, sandy haired bespeckeled woman. Shall I pick you up around 10? That's about when I get off. That's when I go to sleep again.
Nostalgia
No matter how difficult it is, it's the challenges that you end up remembering, not the easy times. In a few years, you'll romanticize the whole ordeal and look back on it fondly, even more so if you find a way to enjoy it as it's happening.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Albert Camus
A human's work is nothing more than the slow trek to rediscover, through the detours of art, those two or three great and simple images in whose presence the heart first opened. - Albert Camus
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Toys in the Attic
"All too quickly, we forget the lessons we've learned, and we must learn them all over again." -Jet from Cowboy Bebop, Episode "Toys in the Attic"
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Greg's Guide to Better Conversations, pt 2
If you're like me you yearn to have deeper, more intimate conversations with people.
Those crucial yet brief moments of social interaction may very well get you through the day. I never seemed to be able to get my head around it. Do I have a problem communicating effectively? Or does everybody else. As Taylor Mali puts it, "have we just gotten to the point where we're the most aggressively inarticulate generation to come along since, ya know, a long time ago?" Conversations just aren't as intellectually stimulating as they should be. Why have we become so unapproachable in real life that we have to rely on text messaging, facebook, twitter, email, instant messaging, voicemail and the like just to communicate on a meaningful, but entirely unsatisfying level.
Luckly, there are people who devote their lives to studying the mechanics of human conversation, and there are many things we can learn from them.
Holds.
Holds are those little rubber grips on a climbing wall that help you get from one step to another.[1] They are also pieces of information within a conversation that are relevant and important to keep the conversation going. How about an example.
One day, while at your favorite indoor climbing range, you see a cute someone climbing a wall.
You decide that you would like to strike up a conversation with that person. But you can't just go up and start talking to a complete stranger. You risk sounding like a creeper, crazy person, or possibly even offending them.[2] So what we do is search for holds. A dog, a hairstyle, an odd piece of clothing, the surroundings, anything to strike up a conversation and get your foot in the door. I have intentionally started wearing one bizarre piece of clothing each day just so that if anyone is on the edge about striking up a conversation with me, I provide them with a foot hold to start from. Conversely, if I don't want to be talked to today, I'll dress myself very plainly. Lots of grey, no odd clothes, go easy on the hair style. I'm a statue, I'm a face in the crowd, I'm telling everyone I want to be left alone, and I'm unapproachable. It's the same as 'going offline' on facebook chat.
Getting the conversation going is one thing, keeping it going is another, but the holds rule is still in effect.
Person A: "I like turtles" This sentence has one hold, turtles. The only polite course of action would be for you to continue the conversation about turtles. You could also try changing the subject or ending the conversation, but neither of those will have satisfying results.
Person A: "I like my turtles" This sentence has a lot more holds.
Person B: "How many turtles do you have? What are their names? How long have you had turtles? Why did you choose turtles over a more conventional pet?" so on and so forth.
By carefully choosing the 'holds' you offer, you can steer the conversation in a particular direction. Be careful though, as in this driving metaphor, there are dead ends.
Person A: "Hey, how are you doing?"
Person B: "Fine." ... Obviously person B doesn't want to talk, but at least they acknowledge you.
Person C: "I'm ok" ... Still not much to work with, but it prompts deeper conversation, but only if Person A is genuinely interested.
Person D: "OMG you're not going to believe the weekend I've been having, blah blah blah"
Person D has just spewn molten crazy all over person A, and person A is unlikely to ever ask again. Where did D go wrong? As it turns out, maybe Person A had something more important to talk about than whatever was on person D's mind. Person A was probably starting the conversation for a reason, let's give them a chance.
Starting a conversation is like pulling up to a four way stop. You have to negotiate who has the right-of-way before plowing through the intersection. You'll get your turn to talk so long as you don't crash the conversation before you get there.
Other ways to crash a conversation is by not offering a single hold. Demurrals, evasions, and dodges all stall the conversation. By not answering the question, or by being coy, you are intentionally sticking a wrench in the gears of the conversation. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you" is funny but how do you respond to that?
You don't. The conversation is dead because you obviously can't create any more original thoughts. It's like talking to a parrot. If you tell a joke, make sure it's relevant.
The last thing about having meaningful conversations is to put yourself out there. I catch myself dodging out of conversations all the time. I excuse myself because I am busy or preoccupied. Then, at the end of the day, I wonder why I don't feel like I've connected with anybody. I become disappointed in myself and angry at others. Don't hold out on your conversations.
[1] Yes, this whole post is basically a rip off of a chapter in Brian Christian's book, "The Most Human Human" get used to this sort of thing, it will happen a lot around here.
[2] Ever been out in public, when someone from your past recognizes you, comes running up and eagerly shouts, "Hey, remember me?" What follows is a delicate situation. The first possibility is that you have someone who genuinely used to be your friend and misses your company. The second is that an insane person has just inconvenienced you. And the third is that someone insignificant from your past (who just so happens to have a photographic memory) has just put you in a very awkward situation. You could pretend you know them, gracefully excuse yourself from the conversation, or do a 'Meet the Parents spike' and send that volleyball of awkwardness right back at their face (personal favorite). "Nope sorry, I do not remember you. I guess you didn't leave a lasting impression on me. Goodbye."
Those crucial yet brief moments of social interaction may very well get you through the day. I never seemed to be able to get my head around it. Do I have a problem communicating effectively? Or does everybody else. As Taylor Mali puts it, "have we just gotten to the point where we're the most aggressively inarticulate generation to come along since, ya know, a long time ago?" Conversations just aren't as intellectually stimulating as they should be. Why have we become so unapproachable in real life that we have to rely on text messaging, facebook, twitter, email, instant messaging, voicemail and the like just to communicate on a meaningful, but entirely unsatisfying level.
Luckly, there are people who devote their lives to studying the mechanics of human conversation, and there are many things we can learn from them.
Holds are those little rubber grips on a climbing wall that help you get from one step to another.[1] They are also pieces of information within a conversation that are relevant and important to keep the conversation going. How about an example.
One day, while at your favorite indoor climbing range, you see a cute someone climbing a wall.
You decide that you would like to strike up a conversation with that person. But you can't just go up and start talking to a complete stranger. You risk sounding like a creeper, crazy person, or possibly even offending them.[2] So what we do is search for holds. A dog, a hairstyle, an odd piece of clothing, the surroundings, anything to strike up a conversation and get your foot in the door. I have intentionally started wearing one bizarre piece of clothing each day just so that if anyone is on the edge about striking up a conversation with me, I provide them with a foot hold to start from. Conversely, if I don't want to be talked to today, I'll dress myself very plainly. Lots of grey, no odd clothes, go easy on the hair style. I'm a statue, I'm a face in the crowd, I'm telling everyone I want to be left alone, and I'm unapproachable. It's the same as 'going offline' on facebook chat.
Getting the conversation going is one thing, keeping it going is another, but the holds rule is still in effect.
Person A: "I like turtles" This sentence has one hold, turtles. The only polite course of action would be for you to continue the conversation about turtles. You could also try changing the subject or ending the conversation, but neither of those will have satisfying results.
Person A: "I like my turtles" This sentence has a lot more holds.
Person B: "How many turtles do you have? What are their names? How long have you had turtles? Why did you choose turtles over a more conventional pet?" so on and so forth.
By carefully choosing the 'holds' you offer, you can steer the conversation in a particular direction. Be careful though, as in this driving metaphor, there are dead ends.
Person A: "Hey, how are you doing?"
Person B: "Fine." ... Obviously person B doesn't want to talk, but at least they acknowledge you.
Person C: "I'm ok" ... Still not much to work with, but it prompts deeper conversation, but only if Person A is genuinely interested.
Person D: "OMG you're not going to believe the weekend I've been having, blah blah blah"
Person D has just spewn molten crazy all over person A, and person A is unlikely to ever ask again. Where did D go wrong? As it turns out, maybe Person A had something more important to talk about than whatever was on person D's mind. Person A was probably starting the conversation for a reason, let's give them a chance.
Starting a conversation is like pulling up to a four way stop. You have to negotiate who has the right-of-way before plowing through the intersection. You'll get your turn to talk so long as you don't crash the conversation before you get there.
Other ways to crash a conversation is by not offering a single hold. Demurrals, evasions, and dodges all stall the conversation. By not answering the question, or by being coy, you are intentionally sticking a wrench in the gears of the conversation. "If I told you, I'd have to kill you" is funny but how do you respond to that?
You don't. The conversation is dead because you obviously can't create any more original thoughts. It's like talking to a parrot. If you tell a joke, make sure it's relevant.
The last thing about having meaningful conversations is to put yourself out there. I catch myself dodging out of conversations all the time. I excuse myself because I am busy or preoccupied. Then, at the end of the day, I wonder why I don't feel like I've connected with anybody. I become disappointed in myself and angry at others. Don't hold out on your conversations.
[1] Yes, this whole post is basically a rip off of a chapter in Brian Christian's book, "The Most Human Human" get used to this sort of thing, it will happen a lot around here.
[2] Ever been out in public, when someone from your past recognizes you, comes running up and eagerly shouts, "Hey, remember me?" What follows is a delicate situation. The first possibility is that you have someone who genuinely used to be your friend and misses your company. The second is that an insane person has just inconvenienced you. And the third is that someone insignificant from your past (who just so happens to have a photographic memory) has just put you in a very awkward situation. You could pretend you know them, gracefully excuse yourself from the conversation, or do a 'Meet the Parents spike' and send that volleyball of awkwardness right back at their face (personal favorite). "Nope sorry, I do not remember you. I guess you didn't leave a lasting impression on me. Goodbye."
Leaving the House Is a Good Start
There's always something fun going on. The issue is finding it, or rather putting yourself in a place where it can find you.Greg Haller
These Creatures Are the Only Sentient Race in This Sector, and They're Made Out Of Meat
This always helps me snap back into perspective.
Enjoy this little nugget of wisdom.
Enjoy this little nugget of wisdom.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life.
[Actually written Monday, March 15, 2010]
It feels like i'm dreaming, especially when I'm awake.
It is time to wake up, and turn those dreams into reality, before the dream turns into a nightmare.
Many never wake up. Many get lost somewhere in between.
Having a real life isn't easy, if it was, more people would have them.
I'm sick of living in a haze.
I'm sick of making poor choices.
I'm sick of being sidetracked and distracting myself with entertainment.
I guess you could say that I'm uncomfortably numb.
For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling what I believe to be true motivation.
Not those short bursts of vision that come from time to time. But real, long-term motivation.
It's a hesitant yet determined kind of motivation, the kind that isn't fueled by lethargy, but by hearing the success stories from those that have followed their dreams and succeeded. It's the motivation that I get when I see someone who never even gave their dreams a chance, they just gave up and let the world swallow them whole. It's motivation that is inspired by the fictional characters in fictional stories, the ones that have the character, ethics, and morality that we wish to see in ourselves.
From time to time, I try to improve myself. Upgrade my firmware, so-to-speak.
Always, the goal is something positive. Rarely is the result lasting.
I always change for the better, but usually, it isn't as profound as I'd like.
You can add all the fertilizer you want, but real lasting growth takes time.
So what is on the itinerary for this 'life altering' day?
First off I'm going to pray, before I even get out of bed.
I'm going to pray for God to guide my thoughts and actions. I'm going to ask him to align my will with his own. I'm going to ask him to bless me in my efforts, so that through me, I can be a blessing to him.
Next I'm going to get up early. Very early.
Blood shot eyes early.
Holy crap I didn't know that the world even exists this early in the morning, early.
Look dude, the sun isn't even up yet early.
I'm going to eat a lite breakfast with no caffeine,
and I'm going to the gym.
I will exercise until the point where I won't climb right back into bed the moment I get home.
Then I'm going to run some errands and talk to my boss.
I've got some real questions I need to iron out.
There are too many variables in this experiment.
Then, I'm going to sit down and write a REAL bucket-list.
Not just stupid stuff like: Solving a Rubick's Cube.
Real stuff. Stuff I want to be when I grow up kinda stuff.
Some things will be X'd out immediately, some things will be circled.
The way I see it, I've got two more weeks before I run out of funding,
so I gotta make em count. It is literally now or never.
Many people settle, some get stuck. There is nothing wrong with settling,
but first I want to be able to say that I gave my dreams a fighting chance.
We all know the Whitey Ford song,
"You know where it ends, well it usually depends on where you start."
I'm going to start on the right foot.
Once my list is complete, I'm going to outline a strategy for achieving each goal.
I'm talking about bullet points, numbering, and indentation. The best Microsoft Word has to offer.
For the next two weeks, I'm going to focus on setting up the dominoes towards each goal.
I'm going to identify the gaps and obstacles, and adjust my list accordingly.
I am reminded of a story I once heard of a great renaissance artist who became fed up with the monotony of every day life. So he threw it all away and moved to the country side next to a lake. Every day, he would walk down to the lake and paint beautiful pictures of the flowers that grew there. Until one day, he realized that he had worn a rut in the path from his house to the lake. I suppose it is human nature to fall into a routine. God please don't let that happen to me.
Also, I'm going to put away a few childish things.
Cancel my netflix and my cable, close some bank accounts,
get rid of some things that I don't need.
I'm going to identify the fog machines that have been clouding my vision for far too long.
And I'm going to turn them off.
No more alcohol, no more nicotine, no more staying up till 1 am, no more sleeping till 1 pm.
If possible, I'd also like to cut back my soda intake to 1 bottle a day.
I mean a 20 oz. not a 2-liter. The sugar and chemicals are a burden to my body and my wallet.
I can't imagine how much I spend on that poison. It is time that I learn to enjoy the flavor of non-additive substances such as food, water, and air.
I want to feel the air in my lungs the way God intended.
I want to wake up naturally with the sun.
I want to run a mile and still be able to run another.
I want a meager existence. I want to live below my means.
It is funny how much it actually costs to have disposable income.
Some people can't afford to pay that kind of price.
In the end, it may be one of the most rewarding gifts I can give myself.
I know, this all seems overwhelming. Maybe even impossible.
I don't expect to succeed at everything. But like I said, I wish to say, I gave it an honest shot.
I will stumble, I will fail, I will relapse, I will waste, I am human.
However, I will NOT allow this opportunity to pass me by.
They say the economy is in a depression. The economy is not my life.
In either case, I choose not to participate.
EDIT:
Added 2/16/2011
We are a month away from the one year anniversary of this note. I'll take stock and reportall the changes that I've made. I'll take note of my success and failures. This should be interesting...
It feels like i'm dreaming, especially when I'm awake.
It is time to wake up, and turn those dreams into reality, before the dream turns into a nightmare.
Many never wake up. Many get lost somewhere in between.
Having a real life isn't easy, if it was, more people would have them.
I'm sick of living in a haze.
I'm sick of making poor choices.
I'm sick of being sidetracked and distracting myself with entertainment.
I guess you could say that I'm uncomfortably numb.
For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling what I believe to be true motivation.
Not those short bursts of vision that come from time to time. But real, long-term motivation.
It's a hesitant yet determined kind of motivation, the kind that isn't fueled by lethargy, but by hearing the success stories from those that have followed their dreams and succeeded. It's the motivation that I get when I see someone who never even gave their dreams a chance, they just gave up and let the world swallow them whole. It's motivation that is inspired by the fictional characters in fictional stories, the ones that have the character, ethics, and morality that we wish to see in ourselves.
From time to time, I try to improve myself. Upgrade my firmware, so-to-speak.
Always, the goal is something positive. Rarely is the result lasting.
I always change for the better, but usually, it isn't as profound as I'd like.
You can add all the fertilizer you want, but real lasting growth takes time.
So what is on the itinerary for this 'life altering' day?
First off I'm going to pray, before I even get out of bed.
I'm going to pray for God to guide my thoughts and actions. I'm going to ask him to align my will with his own. I'm going to ask him to bless me in my efforts, so that through me, I can be a blessing to him.
Next I'm going to get up early. Very early.
Blood shot eyes early.
Holy crap I didn't know that the world even exists this early in the morning, early.
Look dude, the sun isn't even up yet early.
I'm going to eat a lite breakfast with no caffeine,
and I'm going to the gym.
I will exercise until the point where I won't climb right back into bed the moment I get home.
Then I'm going to run some errands and talk to my boss.
I've got some real questions I need to iron out.
There are too many variables in this experiment.
Then, I'm going to sit down and write a REAL bucket-list.
Not just stupid stuff like: Solving a Rubick's Cube.
Real stuff. Stuff I want to be when I grow up kinda stuff.
Some things will be X'd out immediately, some things will be circled.
The way I see it, I've got two more weeks before I run out of funding,
so I gotta make em count. It is literally now or never.
Many people settle, some get stuck. There is nothing wrong with settling,
but first I want to be able to say that I gave my dreams a fighting chance.
We all know the Whitey Ford song,
"You know where it ends, well it usually depends on where you start."
I'm going to start on the right foot.
Once my list is complete, I'm going to outline a strategy for achieving each goal.
I'm talking about bullet points, numbering, and indentation. The best Microsoft Word has to offer.
For the next two weeks, I'm going to focus on setting up the dominoes towards each goal.
I'm going to identify the gaps and obstacles, and adjust my list accordingly.
I am reminded of a story I once heard of a great renaissance artist who became fed up with the monotony of every day life. So he threw it all away and moved to the country side next to a lake. Every day, he would walk down to the lake and paint beautiful pictures of the flowers that grew there. Until one day, he realized that he had worn a rut in the path from his house to the lake. I suppose it is human nature to fall into a routine. God please don't let that happen to me.
Also, I'm going to put away a few childish things.
Cancel my netflix and my cable, close some bank accounts,
get rid of some things that I don't need.
I'm going to identify the fog machines that have been clouding my vision for far too long.
And I'm going to turn them off.
No more alcohol, no more nicotine, no more staying up till 1 am, no more sleeping till 1 pm.
If possible, I'd also like to cut back my soda intake to 1 bottle a day.
I mean a 20 oz. not a 2-liter. The sugar and chemicals are a burden to my body and my wallet.
I can't imagine how much I spend on that poison. It is time that I learn to enjoy the flavor of non-additive substances such as food, water, and air.
I want to feel the air in my lungs the way God intended.
I want to wake up naturally with the sun.
I want to run a mile and still be able to run another.
I want a meager existence. I want to live below my means.
It is funny how much it actually costs to have disposable income.
Some people can't afford to pay that kind of price.
In the end, it may be one of the most rewarding gifts I can give myself.
I know, this all seems overwhelming. Maybe even impossible.
I don't expect to succeed at everything. But like I said, I wish to say, I gave it an honest shot.
I will stumble, I will fail, I will relapse, I will waste, I am human.
However, I will NOT allow this opportunity to pass me by.
They say the economy is in a depression. The economy is not my life.
In either case, I choose not to participate.
EDIT:
Added 2/16/2011
We are a month away from the one year anniversary of this note. I'll take stock and reportall the changes that I've made. I'll take note of my success and failures. This should be interesting...
Canned Meat-like Substitute
I don't read. I hate reading, but not for the usual reasons (if there are any). As an Engineer, I was force fed Math and Science books all through college. As I'm sure you are aware, these types of books give all other books a bad name. On the rare occasion that I do find myself willing to pick up a book, I find myself a man obsessed. My thoughts, behaviors, and conversations become consumed by the source material right up until the very last page. This annoys my friends and relatives to no end. No one seems to be interested in what I'm interested in. Part of this is natural, and part of this comes from a very real problem [1].
The natural part seems to go something like this; I pick up a book, I read something interesting in the book, I want to discuss what I've learned with the first person I see so that I may expand upon, explore, and better remember the information that I've recently absorbed. The result of which seems to be that no one wants to talk to me. So I quit reading to keep my friends. Furthermore, I appear to be incapable of positioning myself as a normal person would when I read. I cramp, curl, twist, lay, stretch, and lean when I read; anything except sitting up straight. The consequence of this is that I get painful cramps in my muscles and joints. This alone would deter me from ever picking up a book. But it happened just the same, during an interview on the Daily Show with John Stewart.
A man came on the show to discuss his new book about participating in the Turing Test. I won't relay what he said because it's in his freaking book. If you must know, click here: http://tinyurl.com/yejzehy In his book 'The Most Human Human', Brian Christian explores the philosophy, psychology, and science behind the concept of Artificial Intelligence, but more importantly, what it means to be human in a world populated with intelligent machines.
Over the course of the past few days, this new fangled 'book readin' stuff has taught me (rather made me remember) life lessons that feel like half-remembered dreams that I've chosen to forget. Why would anyone choose to forget a dream? I did it out of convenience. It was simply not worth the effort to explore my mind enough to extract the details and lessons I learned from long ago. Also, as I mentioned, it often has the effect of annoying everyone around me. It is for this very last reason, that I have created this note.
As I read this and other books, I will come across quotes and other thought provoking material that I will not be able to resist sharing with the rest of the world. Unfortunately, I'm also acutely aware that most people do not share my fondness for the intellectual. This being made clear to me through decades of witnessing the glazing over of the eyes of my conversation partners (or victims as I'm sure they felt), the cold shoulder of those who would rather discuss sports, or the outright animosity of those who are intellectually disinclined [1]. In the interest of keeping my future friend count greater than or equal to the current friend count, I've decided not to post all these little nuggets on my facebook status wall. Rather, I'm going to include them here, as dated entries edited into this blag. In short, I'm going to post things I learn, and perhaps my own elaboration on the issues. I welcome any and all conversation that may arise from it. If this takes off and proves to be a success, perhaps I shall get my own domain. Either way, you wont have to suffer my spam.
Additional Stuffs
[1] I have a theory that some people are naturally disinclined to exercise their brain because it causes them physical pain, much the same way I would be in pain if I tried to dead lift 600 pounds with no weight lifting experience at all. That's not to say that they cannot comprehend, it's just that they need a little more practice.
The natural part seems to go something like this; I pick up a book, I read something interesting in the book, I want to discuss what I've learned with the first person I see so that I may expand upon, explore, and better remember the information that I've recently absorbed. The result of which seems to be that no one wants to talk to me. So I quit reading to keep my friends. Furthermore, I appear to be incapable of positioning myself as a normal person would when I read. I cramp, curl, twist, lay, stretch, and lean when I read; anything except sitting up straight. The consequence of this is that I get painful cramps in my muscles and joints. This alone would deter me from ever picking up a book. But it happened just the same, during an interview on the Daily Show with John Stewart.
A man came on the show to discuss his new book about participating in the Turing Test. I won't relay what he said because it's in his freaking book. If you must know, click here: http://tinyurl.com/yejzehy In his book 'The Most Human Human', Brian Christian explores the philosophy, psychology, and science behind the concept of Artificial Intelligence, but more importantly, what it means to be human in a world populated with intelligent machines.
Over the course of the past few days, this new fangled 'book readin' stuff has taught me (rather made me remember) life lessons that feel like half-remembered dreams that I've chosen to forget. Why would anyone choose to forget a dream? I did it out of convenience. It was simply not worth the effort to explore my mind enough to extract the details and lessons I learned from long ago. Also, as I mentioned, it often has the effect of annoying everyone around me. It is for this very last reason, that I have created this note.
As I read this and other books, I will come across quotes and other thought provoking material that I will not be able to resist sharing with the rest of the world. Unfortunately, I'm also acutely aware that most people do not share my fondness for the intellectual. This being made clear to me through decades of witnessing the glazing over of the eyes of my conversation partners (or victims as I'm sure they felt), the cold shoulder of those who would rather discuss sports, or the outright animosity of those who are intellectually disinclined [1]. In the interest of keeping my future friend count greater than or equal to the current friend count, I've decided not to post all these little nuggets on my facebook status wall. Rather, I'm going to include them here, as dated entries edited into this blag. In short, I'm going to post things I learn, and perhaps my own elaboration on the issues. I welcome any and all conversation that may arise from it. If this takes off and proves to be a success, perhaps I shall get my own domain. Either way, you wont have to suffer my spam.
Additional Stuffs
[1] I have a theory that some people are naturally disinclined to exercise their brain because it causes them physical pain, much the same way I would be in pain if I tried to dead lift 600 pounds with no weight lifting experience at all. That's not to say that they cannot comprehend, it's just that they need a little more practice.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Once in a Lifetime
"I suppose when you get down to it, everything is always once in a lifetime. We might as well act like it." - Brian Christian, 'The Most Human Human' Pg 98
Sunday, March 13, 2011
There once was a man from Nantucket...
As an Engineer...
I like to start most of my sentences with the phrase 'as an Engineer' because it implies that I am an Engineer, which I am. It also implies that I spent a lot of time and hard work to become 'an Engineer', of which I am very proud. Some may find this a bit condescending, but I bet those few would be comforted to know that this also implies I have been formally trained to only use half of my brain.
It is commonly known that the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for most of what we call 'ourself'. It does the talking, the reasoning, and most of all of our conscious behaviors come from ol' lefty. Over the years, people seem to have placed significantly more importance on the left side, and the right is unable to protest. Yet, still, it is taken for granted.
My whole life, I've been slowly taught to ignore my own emotions. The is true for everyone, but especially for men. Emotions are the barnacles on the S.S. Rationality. They have been deemed a hindrance to clear judgement and must be repressed. Buy why? The argument is that if emotions are so bad, why bother having them at all? At this point, I'm going to start directly quoting from "The Most Human Human" by Brian Christian
So there it is in a nutshell. Some of the most important (and least important) decisions that we make, aren't based on reason at all. It's time we give the right brain some credit. Without emotional investment, we are no better than the computers that we mock for lacking our superior mental abilities.
I like to start most of my sentences with the phrase 'as an Engineer' because it implies that I am an Engineer, which I am. It also implies that I spent a lot of time and hard work to become 'an Engineer', of which I am very proud. Some may find this a bit condescending, but I bet those few would be comforted to know that this also implies I have been formally trained to only use half of my brain.
It is commonly known that the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for most of what we call 'ourself'. It does the talking, the reasoning, and most of all of our conscious behaviors come from ol' lefty. Over the years, people seem to have placed significantly more importance on the left side, and the right is unable to protest. Yet, still, it is taken for granted.
My whole life, I've been slowly taught to ignore my own emotions. The is true for everyone, but especially for men. Emotions are the barnacles on the S.S. Rationality. They have been deemed a hindrance to clear judgement and must be repressed. Buy why? The argument is that if emotions are so bad, why bother having them at all? At this point, I'm going to start directly quoting from "The Most Human Human" by Brian Christian
In the late '80s and through the '90s neuroscientists started providing evidence that emotion is essential for and fundamental to making good decisions. Neuroscientist Baba Shiv recalls a patient he worked with 'who had an area of the emotional brain knocked off' by a stroke. After a day of doing some tests and diagnostics for which the patient had volunteered, Shiv offered him a free item as a way of saying 'thank you' - in this case, a choice between a pen and a wallet. "If you're faced with such a trivial decision, you're going to examine the pen, examine the wallet, think a little bit, grab one, and go," he says. "That's it. It's non-consequential. It's just a pen and a wallet. This patient didn't do that. He does the same thing that we would do, examine them and think a little bit, and he grabs the pen starts walking - hesitates, grabs the wallet. He goes outside our office - come back in and grabs the pen. He goes to his hotel room- believe me: inconsequential a decision! - he leaves a message on our voice-mail mailbox, saying, 'When I come tomorrow, can I pick up the wallet?' This constant state of indecision."page 60-something
USC professor and neurologist Antoine Bechara had a similar patient, who, needing to sign a document, waffled between the two pens on the table for a full twenty minutes. If we are some computer/creature hybrid, then it seems that damage to the creature forces and impulses leaves us vulnerable to computer-type problems, like processor freezing and halting. In cases like this where there is no "rational" or "correct" answer. So the logical, analytical mind just flounders and flounders.
In other decisions where there is no objectively best choice, where there are simply a number of subjective variables with trade-offs between them (airline tickets is one example, houses another, and Shiv includes "mate selection: - a.k.a. dating - among these), the hyper-rational mind basically freaks out, something that Shiv calls a 'decision dilemma.' The nature of the situation is such that additional information probably won't even help. What we want more than to be 'correct', is to be satisfied with our choice and out of the dilemma.
So there it is in a nutshell. Some of the most important (and least important) decisions that we make, aren't based on reason at all. It's time we give the right brain some credit. Without emotional investment, we are no better than the computers that we mock for lacking our superior mental abilities.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
An Ode to Sleep
As I type I fear the darkness of slumber weighing down upon my brow like an anchor. So I shall rig up my bedsheets using my mattress as a vessel, I'm going to catch the wake of the wayward worries and sail off into the night. So goodnight you cold heartless world, perhaps you'll warm to me tomorrow. Maybe my dreams will come true and everything that I've ever hoped and prayed will come to pass, but for now I drift. In and out of consciousness, I am unaware of the time bandits stealing my opportunities. The only indication that something precious is being lost comes from the steady click of the clock on my wall. Never fear, that wall shall soon be removed for there are no boundaries where I'm headed. God willing I shall return, none the wiser of events transpired, while enjoying my stay on the shores of slumberland.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Frontin'
It's easy to put up a front,
a little too easy. Sometimes it makes me wonder if everyone is frontin'.
I also know that everyone craves that deeper, meaningful relationship.
We all want our conversations to be genuine. We want to be genuine with each other,
and we want others to be genuine with us. All too often we never get past the
cordialities.
Hi, sup? Good morning. How's it going? How's life? Good, fine, OK. Alright, bye.
That's not a conversation. That's not quality or quantity time. To me, that doesn't even pass as having seen someone. But what can be done? What can I do to improve the quality and depth of my conversations? Conversely, what can I do if I DON'T want to talk to someone? How do I let them down gently? There must be a better way than just ignoring them.
---to be continued.
a little too easy. Sometimes it makes me wonder if everyone is frontin'.
I also know that everyone craves that deeper, meaningful relationship.
We all want our conversations to be genuine. We want to be genuine with each other,
and we want others to be genuine with us. All too often we never get past the
cordialities.
Hi, sup? Good morning. How's it going? How's life? Good, fine, OK. Alright, bye.
That's not a conversation. That's not quality or quantity time. To me, that doesn't even pass as having seen someone. But what can be done? What can I do to improve the quality and depth of my conversations? Conversely, what can I do if I DON'T want to talk to someone? How do I let them down gently? There must be a better way than just ignoring them.
---to be continued.
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