I'm so behind on this blog. I'm ashamed.
Let's nut-shell the things that have happened since I've started this pursuit of the ultimate life.
I quit smoking.
I found Jesus.
I bought a motorcycle.
I started smoking again.
I shaved my head.
I committed to following Jesus daily.
I quit smoking again, but this time I'm doing it because Jesus asked me too.
God spoke to me today, and I need to write it down before I forget.
I've had a rough day, and I'm stressed out, and I'm really craving one right now.
The most important part of following Jesus is picking up our cross daily.
Surrender your will for his will, die to your own desires.
Now I want to quit smoking. I want this pain to go away. I want these cravings to subside.
I cried out to the Lord. "Please God, help me quit, I want to quit, Please Lord!"
Then God spoke, "What if I asked you to smoke?"
"What?" I thought, "Are you serious?"
"Yes, what if I told you to go buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them. Would you do it?"
"Lord, why? After everything we've been through, how far we've come? Why would you tell me to go back?"
God said, "It's not about the cigarettes. It's about you surrendering your will to me. Leaning not on your own understanding but on ME! Will you follow me? Will you die to yourself and trust in me?"
I stopped, I thought. Quitting smoking may be good for me, but it's still something that I'm trying to do myself. Jesus beat sin, his resurrection proved that. We are no longer slaves to sin, God himself payed the price for our souls so that we could truly be with him and he could truly be in us. I need to cry out to the Lord, not in agony but in gratitude. For he has allowed something to push me in such a way that I can learn from it and draw closer to him. Ultimately, that is what I want, to be right by God, to be in his love, to have the superlative life. So I surrender.
"Yes Lord, your will be done."
I went to grab my keys and my wallet, the gas station requires ID.
"NO! STOP! It was a lesson! AGAIN, it's not about the cigarettes. It's about surrendering your heart to me. I am ALL that you need. I have your heart, I will not let you go, no matter what happens, you are mine. Now, go read Hebrews and I'll give you peace."
Praise the Lord.
